Welcome back to Daft C***** ‘R’ Us here at cm9798.co.uk! Another week and that means more madness in the house of scarves. Want to catch up on last week? No, no you don’t. Let’s get on with it then.

We open with a visit to Europe, and a plucky A City United pull of an away steal in the first leg of their CL Quarter Final.

Roll up, roll up! It’s February and we’re almost at the close of the inaugural season of the half and half Premier League. Will it be the final season? Absolutely! I’d link to last weeks post so you can catch up, but it’s almost 10pm on a Sunday as I write this, and I can’t be f*****. Please accept my most humble apologies.

Everybody’s favourites have an absolute mare, but Norpswich are on the up.

Hello and welcome to another week of what the f*** has this man done to CM9798. Yes, I don’t know how I live with myself. But live on we do. Last week, the lack of other goal scorers meant Fowler’s ban was further extended. Will Everpool cope? If you missed last week, you can catch up, here.

We open with the League Cup, and in a three-way derby, Suncastle come unstuck to their less illustrious neighbours, Boro.

Someone is inevitably splashing the half and half cash, and in this instance, it’s the Crystal Dons.

Welcome back again to the Half and Half Premier League! Last week, Robbie Fowler’s match ban was extended to eight games with an additional five earned at the close of the month. If you want to be reminded why, you can do so here.

“(Christmas), and the scarves coming out! (Christmas), half and half’s all about!” Yes, it’s December and we must plough on through this field of s**** to the end of the season to reap what we have sewn. Derbyham Foresty, in no danger of financial trouble, sell their top scorer:

Welcome back to the Half and Half Premier League! Confused? So are we. We’re approaching the mid-point in this madness, but there are clear and obvious winners and losers despite the mixed nature of the new league.

This week we start November with a keen eye elsewhere. As a massive advertisement for the league, the UEFA Cup sees Arseham take on the Crystal Dons. A draw sees the Dons through on aggregate.

Today we bring you the episode you missed before Christmas when the bugs of WordPress had it out for the Half & Half Premier League, hopefully you can see this monstrosity this time round…

Hello and welcome back! I’d have something witty to say, but by god this is a shocking idea that should never have left my head. Last time out, A City United continued to do season one Man Utd’s work as usual. If you missed it, you can catch up here.

Welcome back to the home of ruining football; cheers son’s crying and all that. It’s the half and half of dreams. Last time out we finished August and the first penalties were handed out for doing well. Despite the goings on, what is essentially still Man Utd (sorry City fans) continue their form without Paul Scholes. You can catch up with last week, here.

Welcome back to the Half & Half Scarf Premier League! It’s pre-season and all the clubs are managerless. They’ve got their pick of the world’s talent for this ambitious rescue project for English Football. Will it be a disaster? Will Bobby Gould go? Some things in life are guaranteed. You can catch up with the introduction of this abomination and the squads from last week here.

Wednesday United make the bold first move, going for a man of European experience and flair.

Welcome to a world where in mid-1997, the Premier League experiment has failed. The sponsors have fallen away, Sky Sports have gone running to the hills. The clubs have gone bust! But there’s a saviour in town.

The Premier League has been saved from the jaws of death. A new owner has stepped in, taken on all the club and league debt. But who you ask? Why the worlds largest scarf production company. And to take on such a demand, they have but one ask…

…all teams must merge with their deadliest rivals to ensure the long-life of the half and half scarf. It didn’t go down well. Some clubs couldn’t find a real rival so didn’t make the cut. West Ham and Millwall (Westwall) are operating a three changing room stance. Two home dressing rooms and one away.

This shock means all the clubs have 1 for ‘blend’. In addition, they all have balances of just £10k and are currently managers, rudderless ships. Who will step in and take on the awful job? Who will the clubs sell to balance the books? Will there be fighting in the stands?

Okay, so on with the blasphemy, let us meet the teams. The clubs were allowed the best 14 players from each team. Although some have already decided to cut their roster.