Welcome along to the final update of the 2018/19 season. It’s our 22nd season and as speculation mounts about when the game cuts off, I’m sure it’s not any time soon and with that theory in the bank, let’s get on with handing out some trophies.

League Cup

So it’s the pointless cup up first and seeing as I haven’t won this in my career on this save, I’d like to add it to the collection

It’s in the bag! Not a vintage performance but it’s our 2nd trophy of the season. Our Dutch duo at the back have just started to get International recognition, so it’s no surprise one of them takes man of the match honours here.

FA Cup

Sadly we won’t be winning this one after our defeat to Damien Johnson’s Aston Villa in the quarters, and it’ll be a Villa vs Preston final.

Preston, managed by Stuart Pearce, have battled bravely against relegation but winning the cup would be a huge shock

Bit one sided. Damien Johnson is a genius.

Champions League

So, back to my involvement. The semi-final lineup saw us drawn against David Unsworth’s Real Madrid

A tremendous second leg performance at a raucous St James’ and it’ll be the Nou Camp in may for us. That final will be against Brann of Norway, somehow, who have beaten Ajax. They have no standout players and it’s not like Norway have been great, though they did host Euro 2012. Maybe they invested well? Either way, insert your own Brann for breakfast jokes here.

Champions of Europe! 9 years since I last won the trophy with Sevilla, it’s nice to be Europe’s best again. It’s my front 2 who do the damage again.

That’s the Super Cup, the League Cup and the Champions League in the bag – how about retaining the league?

Premier League

I’d love to give you the drama of last season’s title race but it fell a bit short as we won the title with a game to spare.

Derby had a game in hand at home to Preston but blew it and ended up losing the game, meaning the title race didn’t go down to the last day. It meant I could rest the entire team ahead of the Champions League final, which as you’ve already seen went to plan

Gordon Milne has taken West Ham to the Champions League, which is basically his way of continuing to get on my nerves. He managed Man Utd for a number of years and I thought I’d seen him off, but apparently not.

We must say good bye to Forest, Swansea & Barnsley though, despite two of them reaching the magical 40 point mark. The league is a lot tighter than when that landmark was dreamt up, with barely 30 points between top and 19th.

It’s fair to say our success is down in no small part down to Joni (Weah) and Antonio Carlos (Ronaldo)

Mariasson is also the famous Icelandic DM/FC who is on his third regeneration at the moment.

Good times. For the record, Milan won Serie A whilst Hercules won La Liga.

Everybody’s favourite aged footballer is still going, though his record at Grimsby isn’t great

His stats are…just wonderful

He’ll be hoping for a new managerial gig soon, you would think.

Time for some awards though, this was a nice haul

But for the real awards…

Incidentally Edmondson was on loan at Scarborough – he’s Michael Owen’s re-gen and will be in my first team plans going forwards.

This part is getting more and more like the Oscars where they do a tribute to those who have left us in the past 12 months

This was just the most vital-to-the-story 3, Stuart Pearce has also retired as manager. He’s yougner than Beardsley, who is still playing, so I don’t know what he’s playing at. There’s 12 retirements in all, which means there’s jobs everywhere.

So that’s it, another update in the bank. We can start to look forward to Euro 2020, and you just know I’ve got a load of vision based puns for that. See you then.

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Due to unpopular demand, we’re back with another list blog. Inspired by Richard Wright’s decision to retire, the Twittersphere began trying to recount who from CM9798 is still playing today. With their help, here they are for your viewing pleasure – and also their FM16 data for the sake of it. Let’s kick this off with the man himself

Richard Wright

In CM9798, Richard Wright is one of the finest young goalkeepers money can buy. It looked for a long time like Wright would fulfill that potential after moving to Arsenal and getting capped by England, but a red card against Malta summed it all up really. He retires today having been at Man City for 4 years and playing 0 games but winning a Premier League. Here he is on FM16…with a technique of 1.

Luca Toni

Sticking with the theme of recently retired, Luca Toni was just a young lad at Empoli in 1997

Fast forward 19 years and his pace has actually improved, in fact if I were him I’d reconsider retirement. Though having seen his Paneka penalty against Buffon, that’s the way to retire

Gianluigi Buffon

How’s that for a segway? Straight into the Buffon section. As an Under 21 International there were always high hopes for Buffon

However after getting his first cap during the 97/98 season, few could have predicted he’d go on to get well over 100 and still be the Italian number one 19 years later.

Robbie Keane

Speaking of players who made their International debut in 97/98 and went on to get well over 100 caps (that was a struggle)

Keane is one of the youngest players on CM9798 and although not loads of use in the first couple of seasons, it’s well worth acquiring him on the cheap and loaning him out for a few years until his potential starts to develop.

As time has passed, Keane’s pace has obviously declined but he’s still a useful striker in the MLS

Frank Lampard

Did somebody say MLS? It’s fair to say back in 9798 they had Lampard down as a bit of a wing wizard, with great dribbling and flair stats. Can’t argue with that shooting of 16.

After a glittering trophy-laden career at Chelsea (and briefly Man City), Lampard now resides at New York City FC. Interestingly, his pace is unchanged, which is remarkable after sitting on the bench at Man City for 12 months.

Shay Given

Now here’s a man who knows about Man City’s bench. Before all of that though, Shay Given was Newcastle’s number one after joining in the close season from Blackburn.

After finally growing tired of playing behind the likes of Titus Bramble and Peter Ramage, Given left for Man City in 2009 for the chance to win trophies. He won an FA Cup before losing his place to Joe Hart. After an average spell at Aston Villa, Given is now at Stoke. Despite a serious injury, Shay is expected to go to Euro 2016 as part of the Republic of Ireland squad

Eidur Gudjohnsen

Guess who else is going to Euro 2016!? That’s right, it’s Eidur Gudjohnsen. Here he is as a spritely 18 year old, who was for some reason pegged as being very aggressive.

I could be on all day listing Gudjohnsen’s clubs, it’s fair to say he had great times at Chelsea and Barcelona and then less good times across the rest of the world. Eidur is currently at Molde in Norway and will be off to Euro 2016. It’s remarkable as I thought he retired years ago, but I’m all for it.

Gabor Kiraly

Speaking of players I thought retired years ago but are going to Euro 2016, it’s the pyjama wearing Hungary hero Gabor Kiraly. Shot stopping 20 is very generous.

I mainly remember Kiraly wearing his jogging bottoms at Crystal Palace but he also went to Burnley and then seemingly he had 7 years at 1860 Munich. He’s now at Haladas in his homeland. Haladas is the Hungarian word for Progress, which is ironic on so many levels, considering old Gabor is now in his 40’s

Steve Harper

Another goalkeeper in his 40’s is Steve Harper, though his date of birth is inexplicably 5 years out on the 9798 database…and also he was born 14th March. Goodness knows what happened there

After spending a lot of years on Newcastle’s bench and making 157 appearances in 20 years, Harper was finally released and played for Hull for a couple of seasons. At 40, Harper looked set to retire but Sam Allardyce saw him as experienced backup at Sunderland so that’s where we find him on FM16

Francesco Totti

Another player who spent more than 20 years at one club is Francesco Totti, though to be fair he was a bit more successful than Steve Harper. Back in 97 though and Totti is a very promising, creative 20 year old.

What can I say about Francesco Totti? Having got man of the match in a losing effort at the Euro 2000 final, Italy extracted revenge by winning the 2006 World Cup on penalties against France. Totti scored one goal in the tournament – an injury time winning penalty against Australia. Here’s Totti on FM16 – will it be his last FM?

Mark Schwarzer

Who was in goal for that Totti penalty in 2006? Well it’s only this man.

After leaving Middlesbrough for Fulham in 2008, Schwarzer enjoyed 5 years at Craven Cottage before moving to Chelsea as a backup goalkeeper. Amazingly, Schwarzer won the Premier League in 2015 with Chelsea and then again with Leicester in 2016, though he didn’t play any games. Unsurprisingly his stats have dropped off a bit, though he did win over 100 caps for Australia.

Wes Brown

Another multi-time Premier League winner still plying his trade in England’s elite league is Wes Brown. Back in 97/98, he was still Wesley, but a very highly rated centre back nevertheless

With excellent heading, tackling and positioning it’s no wonder Brown made over 200 appearances for Man Utd despite numerous long term injuries. With a handful of England caps to boot, it’s been quite a career for young Wesley. Here he is on FM16 where he is very much experienced back up.

*With props to Emile Heskey (forgot) and Ze Roberto (dodgy 9798 stats) who should be in this list.

Have I forgotten anybody else? Tweet me to let me know

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Welcome back! We’re crossing into 2019 in this update, and somehow this game still finds ways to surprise me. Peter Beardsley is 58 but is still in demand, whilst Chelsea are throwing money at their problems. Newcastle are fighting for trophies on all fronts, so without further delay, let’s get to it.

As I rather prophetically noticed in the last update, Alvin Martin was sliding towards the trap door after 4 years of nothing at Chelsea.

So whilst that wasn’t a surprise, the replacement is a bit out there

Why is that strange? Well, Man Utd were 6th under the guidance of Le Tissier, whilst Chelsea are 19th. Such an odd career move.

Man Utd take Derby’s manager

Derby have hideous amounts of money in the bank, so the last thing they should do is appoint some notorious for wasting money

Oh.

A few months down the line and somehow Chelsea are able to attract one of England’s finest forwards

Darlington have ran into financial troubles after failing to win their Champions League qualifier and had a bit of a firesale to keep themselves in the black.

Anyway, back in the world of Division 2, Rotherham have  finally had enough of a 58 year old who picks himself every game

What’s quite telling is that nobody wants him as a manager, but as a player…

Two great choices, but it’s Grimsby for Pedro

As he’s not the manager, he finds himself as sub more often than not and is yet to open his account. He earns £400 a week…

On to the actual football now and I’m pleased to say we are European Super Cup champions.

We did most of the damage at home and saw it out away. Get in.

Hercules are top of La Liga so it bodes well for us that we can dismantle them so easily.

With one trophy in the bag (I’m not counting the Charity Shield) we’re well placed to win another, even if it is the pointless cup.

David Platt’s Blackburn will be a tougher test in the final but we’ll be favourites.

Unfortunately we won’t be winning the FA Cup

We led 1-0 but two goals in the final 10 minutes for Villa send us out. It’s a shame but we’ve got enough on our plates, which we’ll come back to shortly.

The semi final lineup goes on without us.

In Europe, we negotiated our Champions Leageue group with ease.

The quarter final saw us go up against former champions PSV but we just about saw them off

Brann had Marseille for breakfast (sorry). Although it has to be said, it’s a massive surprise to see them in the last 4. Sadly it’s a show down with David Unsworth and my former club Real Madrid in the semis

So whilst my Champions League hopes are in the balance, we’re looking pretty good to retain our league title, even if we trail Haslam’s Darlington right now

With 2 games in hand, we should have enough to see Darlington off, especially since their fire sale at the end of the transfer window. You can’t rule out any of the top 6 in truth, we’ve seen in recent seasons teams can go on runs and my fixture pile up is concerning.

Forest have slipped to the foot of the table, as Chelsea look to have clawed themselves away from danger. I’m still not sure why le Tissier left Man Utd for the Chelsea gig but he might be proved right if Chelsea can overtake Man Utd in the last 7 games, which you wouldn’t rule out.

So there we go, we’re all set up for the final sprint. Can we retain our title? Will David Unsworth see me off in the Champions League? Is Peter Beardsley going to score for Grimsby? All of this, and more, will be revealed next time. Toodles for now.

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Another new season is upon us and I’ve got a good feeling about this. After our massively unlikely title win, we now have the joy of playing Champions League football and trying to retain the league title. Furthermore, due to our Cup Winners Cup win we’ll get to play in the Super Cup in January, so there’s that to look forward to. This may be quite a narcissistic update – just a warning.

On that note, my reputation is fully restored

It’s been a long way back but like Alan Partridge, I’ve bounced back. I didn’t even need to drive to Dundee barefoot either. All we need now is for England’s gaffer to get the boot and then it’ll be my time to shine, and a 57 year old Peter Beardsley will receive his first cap in about 30 years. Some day…

Anyway, on to the here and now, as part of our new found fame we’re in the Charity Shield for the 2nd year in succession. 1st Division Charlton prove a tough nut to crack but we do it, just about.

It’s fair to say the game didn’t exactly attract a full house to Wembley. Oh well, we’ve got a big shiny shield to keep us happy. The first game of the season is a tough one

It probably bodes well that we can grind out a win like this against one of the better teams in the league, but as ever it’s a worry we couldn’t score more. We’ll check back in with my progress later.

As usual there’s some managerial stupidity. Ancelotti is given the sack

Milan appoint Hellas Verona’s manager, and Ancelotti goes there instead. The old switcheroo.

Blog favourite Neil Finn is also on the move

Gillingham haven’t long been relegated from the Premier League, so a nice move for the big former goalkeeper.

This is…odd

Colchester are 20th in Division 3. Bilbao are in La Liga. I don’t know why this has happened.

In the Premier League though it’s the sack for Kieron Dyer

Dyer hasn’t been in the management game that long but he’s moving rapidly through the clubs. He’ll need a new one now though. Who can Arsenal appoint?

Oh my. A controversial move, going from Liverpool to Arsenal, especially as he has been Liverpool manager for so long. Liverpool need somebody to bring back the glory days, it’s been very slim pickings for them recently.

Right. This is presumably an effort at re-producing Kenny Dalglish’s spell as player manager in the 80s, as Samuel is a Scottish right winger, though he has only ever played for Rangers

That’s a short career, especially to go on and manage Liverpool. Whatever, some things can’t be explained.

More about me now though, and Newcastle’s first Champions League campaign since the 97/98 season. The group we’ve got is a pure gift.

The early signs are that my confidence was not misplaced

Two goals from my right back, you don’t often get that. We’ve had more injuries than ever but we’ve coped, and despite a slip up in Zagreb we’re well placed to qualify.

Which brings us to the Premier League table, and whilst it hasn’t been a vintage title defence, we’re in the pack. As the old saying goes; you can’t win the title in November but you sure can lose it.

The league has levelled out somewhat over the years so I don’t expect it to get any less tight as the season goes on. The bottom of the table is grim reading for old Frazer Samuel

Chelsea are managed by Alvin Martin and I don’t remember mentioning them in any great detail for some seasons now, but they are in danger of being relegated here. Still a long way to go though.

So with this season bubbling up nicely I hope I’ll see you back here for the next update, as 2018 ticks into 2019 and the business end of the season approaches. Bye for now!

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This is a bumper update so I’ll keep the chit chat to a minimum. We’ve come to the end of 2017/18 and there’s drama everywhere you look, starting with the pointless cup final. Steve Haslam is in the hunt for the quadruple with Darlington, can he seal trophy one?

League Cup

Oh, penalties.

Steve Haslam’s quadruple update is dealt a severe blow and it’s now trebles for Steve.

FA Cup

The football league is well represented here, and what’s more Keith Peacock’s Charlton force a replay with Haslam’s men. West Ham see off Brentford in the other semi final.

The replay sees Darlington pay the penalty for the second time in 10 days.

Crikey. So it’s a West Ham/Charlton final and somehow the first division side win it!

The biggest shock since Southport won it? I’d say so. Keith Peacock chooses to retire on a high so whoever takes the Charlton gig will have European football to look forward to.

Champions League

So, Steve’s treble is now a double. At least he’s in the Champions League final

Hercules aren’t even Champions of Spain yet they could be Champions of Europe.

They ARE Champions of Europe! Delight for their manager Luis Maria Martin Delgado, who I have never heard of. But power to him. For Haslam though all his eggs are now in the Premier League basket.

Premier League

It’s probably the tighest Premier League in years, with Bryan Robson determined to finally get his hands on the trophy with Sheff Wed leading the way. With 2 games to go, somehow, seven teams are in the running. Including us!

Darlo have an all important game in hand though, which makes them favourites. By the time another week passes, seven has become four, although we are relying on a minor miracle to even get in the 2nd Champions League spot.

Here’s the fixtures:

With the top 3 all facing away trips to midtable clubs, we even have the hardest fixture of the four. Nevertheless, let’s give this some respect.

We get our bit done

Darlo started the day top but they’ve fluffed their lines AGAIN, losing at Anfield

That leaves the door ajar for Bryan Robson and Sheffield Wednesday…

Hmm, so as it stands, Arsenal need to win to take the title. At worst we’ve got second sewn up…

Oh my. They’ve all blown it!

By four measly goals, we take the league title from my former club. The league may have a pitiful amount of goals but what drama. We’ve done it! It’s the only time we’ve been top all season, which is remarkable

If that’s not enough, we’re still in the Cup Winners Cup too

A final! I’ll have a double, please.

Wow. It’s been a strange old run-in, not exactly goals galore though

Before we dive into the 2018 World Cup, a few bits and bobs.

Barcelona need a new manager

They opt for a current player of theirs, who has been a Barcelona player since 2004.

He was also a member of my Spain squad many moons ago. Good luck to him.

Beardsley lives on, somehow his physical stats have re-generated. I don’t know why.

And with that, it’s time to head to Brazil for the 2018 World Cup

Here’s England’s men for the occasion

That probably means very little to you but Mendes has been in great form for Darlington.

It’s a great start for England, back to back wins puts them through to the last 16 with a game to spare.

2-0 to the England becomes a popular terrace chant

It’s bad news for host nation Brazil though, they’re out after losing to Slovenia

How foolish. The last 16 includes Ireland and thankfully Trinidad & Tobago have made up after their brief split.

Holders Holland see off Ireland

Whilst Argentina vs Spain is an all time classic

England keep their hopes alive too – but only just.

Let’s take a look at the last 8

2002 winners Nigeria up next for the holders whilst England and Argentina renew old rivalries

France vs Italy is the glamour tie of the round though

England’s dream is ended by the South Americans

I hope England sack their manager in disgust. They won’t though. Semi-finals…

Holland are two games from retaining the trophy! But they will go no further..

Brian Spork is a great name. Who will the French face in the final?

Those good natured Argentinians eh? It means an all European final in Brazil. Firstly though, who finishes third?

Porcel is Ariel Ortega only he plays for Derby, it’s all very odd. Anyway, final time

So Germany win the World Cup in Brazil. I’ve heard that before. Where are we going in 2022?

Lovely.

Let’s have some awards

Me!

Assorted others! All that’s left to bring you is a boat load of retirements

Some beloved names calling it a day there, so lots of job opportunities for the new season. Somehow, I’ll be playing Champions League football and I’ll also get a crack at the Super Cup as we won the Cup Winners Cup, so that’s exciting. Join me for it, won’t you? Bye for now.

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Hello to you and welcome to 2018. It’s been a mighty old save and as we pass the halfway stage in season 21, it looks like one of England’s most decorated footballers could be finally about to reach his managerial peak. What am I rambling about? Let me talk you through it.

Firstly though, in the last update we saw Parma’s relatively unknown manager take the England job. I’m delighted for him. I also hope he loses every game in Brazil. Here’s his group:

There’s also a rather strange occurance as the game seems to forget where to put the word “and”

So unless Trinidad have actually separated from Tobago, I’m sure this is a mistake. Then again, nothing surprises me any more in this game. Even Peter Beardsley’s got his pace back

Crikey, he’s quicker than me now. Not to mention 30 years older.

Back on topic though and Parma have appointed Francesco Guidolin as their new manager. He’s recently pitched up at Swansea in real life, so I think he will prefer this version of his life.

Juve poach Roma’s manager

You may also remember Louis van Gaal was dismissed by Italy – he’s rocked up at Valencia

Then to complete the old foes act, Gordon Milne is back in the Premier League

He’s not taken long to get under my skin, knocking us out of the FA Cup in the quarter finals meaning we won’t retain our trophy.. Looking at the draw, anything other than Darlington winning would be a shock.

Steve Haslam has his fingers in many pies, including the league cup final, where they’ll face moneybags Derby.

Just the £109m in the bank for Derby, but they didn’t make it through to the Champions League quarter finals.

Indeed it’s Darlington flying the flag for England again, taking down the current holders Ajax on away goals. It’s a weird Semi Final lineup

Verona are top of Serie A, having won it last season. Hercules are 8th in La Liga following their runners up spot last season. The French league isn’t loaded but Marseille won the Champions League in 2016, so they’re a handy side.

350 words in and I haven’t mentioned my own fortunes too much, except for our FA Cup exit. We’re ticking over, in the top 6 and the last 4 of the Cup Winners Cup. We knocked out Salernitana in the quarters which is apparently a big deal

Scenes. We’ll face Malmo in the last 4

But now back to the hero of the piece, Bryan Robson. He’s had some managerial career, starting at Middlesbrough in Division 1 and enjoying his second spell at Sheff Wed. He’s got 3 FA Cups to his name and a pointless cup, but the league has escaped him…

He’s been close on a number of occasions, with Chelsea, Sheff Wed & Darlo.

But now, is this his year!?

They’re not exactly runaway leaders but you’d love to be in his position with 8 games to go. We’re not a million miles away ourselves, and Haslam has a game in hand as he chases a quadruple. We’ve struggled for goals, somehow, despite having the re-gens of Ronaldo, Weah, Owen, Zidane and the Icelandic guy everybody loves. It’s mad.

The bottom of the table is grim reading for Palace, and not much better for Boro. I think it’s one from 6, including Man Utd and Everton who are floundering.

So that’s it, another update has come and gone. The final update of the 2017/18 season promises to be massive – and will of course culminate with World Cup 2018 in Brazil. So Bryan Robson achieve his dream? Or will Haslam win it all? See you next time!

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Good day! It’s the final update of the 2016/17 season and it’s been a relatively quiet season, all things considered. Last time out I’d guided Newcastle to the FA Cup semi finals and within touching distance of European football via the league, but before we get to that, there’s something more pointless to sort out.

League Cup

Given that last season the game correctly predicted a Liverpool/Man City final that went to pens, fans of Arsenal & Aston Villa should be getting excited

Maybe not that excited. A 0-0 draw ends with a late Kevin Mulligan goal and it’s more silverware for Damien Johnson’s men. Let’s move on.

FA Cup

Me! We’re still in a cup by this stage which is remarkable in itself, but better yet I’ve not had to face a Premier League team yet. The semi finals is no different, as we battle Birmingham.

3-0 after 25 minutes? Yes please. See you in the final. Who will we see?

Well if it isn’t Matt Le Tissier and Manchester United. That’ll be a laugh.

It’s such an occasion I wrote a Live Text covering the final in more detail which can you read here, but for those who prefer the edited version, have a scroll down

A real humdinger, obviously. And I should know – I had to write about it in great detail. But we won! That’s the main thing, and that guarantees us European football next season for the first time since 1998. The re-build is almost complete.

Champions League

Speaking of Europe, could Steve Haslam lead Blackburn to the final?

No. It’ll be an all Dutch final, and with Holland as world champions, it’s a great time to be Dutch.

An even better time to be an Ajax fan. Great. If you think that’s sort of normal, Hellas Verona won Serie A, replacing Cesena as champions. For real drama, let’s go to Spain.

You may recall that La Liga was toight like a toiger with a handful of games to go

Pick your winner…now!

Now?

Oh how boring. Taking 23 points out of a possible 27, Real Madrid go from 9th to winners. David Unsworth has won La Liga. It also means he’s taken them up from the Segunda to winning La Liga in 2 seasons. The man is a machine.

Back in England, there was no such excitement. We need a point on the last day to secure a top 6 finish, but we’re up against already crowned champions Darlington.

Pick the bones out of that. We did it though, 6th!

Derby and their millions will play in Europe’s elite club competition, whereas we’ll be in the Cup Winners Cup after our cup win. At the bottom…

Meh. Brian Little’s Liverpool had a season to forget, that’s about all I can take from that.

David Beckham’s managerial career has been unbelievably bad. His latest disaster involves getting relegated from Division 2 with Scarborough and deciding take over at also relegated Chester.

Awards time!

Totally deserved, this guy kept us in so many games.

Look at Malacarne’s average rating…

WOW YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE

It’s all too much for Peter Reid

But one man can never have too much

Another season in the bag, he’s signed up for season 21. I hope we’ll see you there!